Some Wishes
by babyxeyes
Summary: [B/A] After her mother's death, Buffy finds herself with sorrow she doesn't know how to deal with. She finds an ancient book she believes can heal her; make all the pain go away. There's only one person who knows otherwise & can save her now.
1. Prologue

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: Moonbeam  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
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Prologue:  
  
I'm not really a witch. You know, not technically. I'm the Slayer. The Chosen One. I usually *kill* the 'big bads.' Not summon them. But I'm still human. A girl, just like any other. Maybe I was built to have strength. Resilience. Power. But I'm still me. Buffy Summers. Sister, friend, and at times, girlfriend. I feel and cry and breathe like the rest of them. I have weakness. I have flaws.  
  
They never truly understood it. How someone could be so strong and so fragile at the same time. I remember when Xander told me I was his hero. I could have strangled him. Because I never asked to be chosen. To be picked and given this "gift" that I can't shake off. Ever. But to be someone's ideal. Someone's role model. It's too much. It would be considered too much for any ordinary girl. So why me? Why am I so lucky? So special?  
  
I just wanted to make things a little bit better. To fix just a tiny corner of my life. Just for one day. But, boom, something went wrong. Backfired. I really should have figured as much. God...I should have known. I was stupid to believe otherwise, I guess. When have I ever been given so much as a breather? Never.  
  
My Mommy. She was the *only* person in the entire universe who still knew me as her baby girl. My friends, my sister, my Watchers. They all knew me as 'Buffy Summers: Hero.' But to her? To my Mom? I was just 'Buffy.'  
  
And now she's gone. Dead. In the ground. She was all I could count on. Could depend on to always be there for me. She was the strong one in real life. And now, I've lost her. I've looked everywhere, but she's gone. And I don't know where she went or how I can get her back. Okay, so consciously, I know she's gone. I've seen it every single day for the past five years. But emotionally? *Why* can't she kiss me goodnight anymore? *Why* can't she smooth back my hair? Somebody, please, tell me. Why?Why?Why?  
  
All I wanted was to pull her back in. Not forever...but for a moment. I needed her so, so much. I still do. I always will. But everything got complicated. It always does. You want to hear my story? I'm not going anywhere. But I'm warning you now.  
  
It doesn't end with the words '...they all lived happily ever after.'  
  
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	2. Helpless

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: Moonbeam  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
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Chapter One:  
  
"Buffy? Buffy? BUFFY?!" Dawn yelled, slightly annoyed.  
  
"Huh? What? Me?"  
  
"No. The other Buffy." Sarcasm. Funny. "Sheesh, wake up."  
  
"Anyway." Giles said, looking at me, "Back to our original discussion."  
  
There was a silence and I realized they were both waiting for me to talk. Oh fab. The *one* time I don't exactly pay total attention to Giles. Well..maybe not the only time..but.  
  
I looked at Giles apologetically, "Rewind this tape, please?"  
  
"Last night's patrol." He explained with a smile, "How did it go?"  
  
"Oh! Killed two vamps. Nothing major."  
  
I wasn't sure if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn I saw a flicker of disappointment in Giles' eyes. But I knew the feeling. I'm not exactly saying 'extremely violent situation', but ever since Mom..well, I'd needed something. Something to really thrust myself into, head on. I don't know. Just to get my mind off of things.  
  
"Ah. Well, that's good." He nodded, mostly to himself, "Good."  
  
He smiled and went back to the shelves, unpacking new merchandise and setting it up. Maybe I'd give him a hand later.  
  
"So..how's the homework going?"  
  
"Fine." Dawn replied, barely looking up  
  
"Need any help? Well, as long as it's not math, or history-"  
  
"It's okay." She said, cutting me off, "I'm good."  
  
I knew that tone. I practically *invented* that tone. I could take a hint.  
  
"Okay." I smiled slightly, "Just asking."  
  
The bells on the Magic Box jingled as Xander and Willow walked in. Willow was holding a box of doughnuts.  
  
"Hey." I said, giving a tiny wave as they said hello.  
  
"After school snack." Willow said, setting the box down in front of Dawn.  
  
Dawn smiled brightly, the first one I'd seen in a while, and reached in. "Mm..jelly!"  
  
"You want one, Buffy?" Willow asked, holding the box out to me.  
  
"Eh. No thanks. Not very hungry."  
  
"Okay, so that does mean that if I eat them all you won't pummel me, right?" Xander asked, stuffing his third doughnut into his mouth.  
  
"Uh. Yeah." I couldn't help but grin as he smeared chocolate all over his face, "Whatever."  
  
"So, what's going on tonight? Scary monsters, crazy vamps?" Xander looked at me, awaiting my response.  
  
"Actually, it's even worse." They all, even Dawn, turned to me, slightly worried. "I have to make dinner."  
  
Giles smiled warmly, "If you need any help.."  
  
"No." I said, putting a hand up, "I can do it. I'm going to make us a nice, good dinner."  
  
Dawn snorted from her seat.  
  
"What?!" I exclaimed, "I can cook! I can!"  
  
"Sure you can." She said with a slight smile, "I have every bit of confidence in you. Really."  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
"Extra cheese and pepperoni. Thanks." Dawn hung up the phone, turning around to face me.  
  
"They'll be here in twenty minutes." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Great." I looked down at the burnt pan sitting on the stove and wrinkled my nose. "I think I killed it."  
  
"Well," I could hear the laughter in her voice as she began, "it was a bad, bad pan."  
  
"Funny." I put the pan in the sink and turned the water on, wincing as clouds of smoke began to rise.  
  
"Maybe we should just throw this one away." Dawn said, coughing from where she stood behind me.  
  
"You might be right." I muttered.  
  
From the next room over, I heard a beeping sound. The dryer.  
  
"Clean clothes. Joy." I said, walking towards the door.  
  
"I'll get them." Dawn said, stepping in front of me, "You stay. Extinguish the..fried frying pan or whatever."  
  
"You're too sweet." I remarked, half-sarcastically, half-appreciatively. At least she was making an attempt to help me.  
  
I tried scrubbing the pan for a few minutes, but eventually gave up. Who cares? I could scrounge up enough cash for some new pots and pans.  
  
I finally realized Dawn hadn't returned with the clothes yet, and I hadn't heard anything from the laundry room.  
  
"Dawn? Everything okay in there?"  
  
Silence. I raced to the doorway, panic clutching at my heart. I was so jumpy these days. But what I saw next succeeded in alarming me, anyway.  
  
"Dawnie." I said softly, sitting down next to her on the floor. There she sat, surrounded by the dry, clean clothes, clutching something to her chest, crying into it. A nightgown. A pink one. Mommy's nightgown. It must have gotten thrown in, accidentally. My heart rammed against my rib cage.  
  
"It..It.." She looked up at me, her eyes red and pained, "It's clean now." She said in a tiny voice. "We washed her out of it." She inhaled deeply, her face buried in it and her voice shook. "It doesn't even smell like her anymore."  
  
"Oh Dawn..Dawn..shhh." She fell against me, and I rocked her back and forth on the cold floor as she shook with sobs. I understood. She knew I did. And as I felt her hot tears on my skin, I didn't know what to do. I felt so utterly helpless it terrified me. I needed to take care of her, to be like a mother. But how..how, was I supposed to do all that when I still needed my Mommy to take care of me?  
  
So I just held her tighter. And I cried too. 


	3. Beginning

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: Moonbeam  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Two:  
  
I'd been sitting up there for about an hour when I saw him coming. He was bruised and had a trace of a red gash across his cheek. I wondered if it would scar. The air felt cold against my face and neck as I stood up from the tombstone I had been perched on. I could tell, instantly, when he spotted me. His eyes lit up and he quickly looked down, concealing it from me. I slightly rolled my eyes. Spike. The vampire who had tried to kill me, my friends, Angel, so many times..in love with me. It was ridiculous. And gross.  
  
"Darkness falls and she comes to me." He said dramatically, stopping a few feet in front of me.  
  
"Spike." I said, gritting my teeth, "I'm a little bit busy."  
  
"Patrolling." He concluded. "And it certainly looks like you've been awfully busy." He said sarcastically.  
  
It was true. I hadn't staked a single vamp all night. It had been strangely peaceful. I didn't like it.  
  
"Yeah well, it's leaving *me* awfully fidgety." I looked at him, purposefully; "It might impale my sense of reason and leave you with one of my wooden friends through your heart."  
  
"Sure thing, love." He said, walking past me and taking my spot on the stone. I turned around so I was facing him and folded my arms across my chest, my hair swinging behind me. Dawn had *so* picked up that move from me.  
  
"Get out of here." I said.  
  
"I recall something about a free country. About having rights of my very own." He said, putting his chin in the air.  
  
"Yeah, and I recall something about vampires being disqualified." I countered back, slightly raising my eyebrows.  
  
"What's the matter, Slayer? Patrolling solo, now? Too good for backup?"  
  
"You hardly fall under the 'backup' category, Spike. I usually file you onto the 'gross bad guy' list."  
  
"Damn *right* you do!" He said, proudly. Ugh. So disgusting.  
  
"Fine. Just stay far away from me." I said, finished talking with him. Why couldn't there be a little remote for his chip? You know, with a nice 'stop' button for whenever he got irritating. I sighed, walking away from his figure. He was yelling something after me, but I didn't really hear whatever he said.  
  
Honestly, I didn't care. I still needed to get home, pack Dawn's lunch, do the laundry, and shower. And it was already past midnight.  
  
Part of being a vampire Slayer? Don't count on a nine to five schedule.  
  
When I got home, I found Dawn asleep on the floor with the television still on. She had been falling asleep a lot like that lately. Xander sat on the couch, snoring slightly. I grinned as I shut of the TV and his eyes opened.  
  
"Buffy? What are you doing here?" His eyes moved around, frantically, "Am I naked?"  
  
I smirked, gesturing to the room. "This is *my* living room, Xander. And I'd like to believe that you never have and never, ever will be naked in here."  
  
"Oh." He sat up a bit, yawning as he looked around, "Oh yeah. How did everything go?"  
  
I shrugged. "Nothing demon-y. Very tired. Get out of my house." I said playfully.  
  
He stood up, stretching. "Yes ma'am." Our eyes both traveled down to the floor where Dawn lay, her head on a pillow.  
  
"She won't sit on the couch." I explained, seeing his expression. "When she found out that I found Mom there.." I trailed off, figuring he understood. Xander isn't as stupid as he comes off. I didn't have to spell it out for him.  
  
He reached forward and gave me a hug, holding me tightly, crushing me against him. But in a good way. When we pulled apart he gave me a small smile that told me a million things at once.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Good night." I called after him, closing the door as he retreated to his car.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
I walked into the Magic Box the next day at around 10:00. Dawn was at school. The dishes were clean. The beds were made. I collapsed into a chair and looked up at where Giles stood behind the counter.  
  
"Good morning." He said taking a sip of his coffee. I grunted in reply, resting my head on the table.  
  
"Rough night?" He asked, his voice sounding slightly amused. Ha-ha. So glad someone finds this funny.  
  
"Vampires have all the luck." I finally muttered, refusing to lift my head, "Getting to sleep the whole day away."  
  
I looked up at him as he grinned. "Ah, yes. I constantly find myself envying the dead."  
  
"You said it." I said, closing my eyes.  
  
"How was last night's patrol?" Giles said, his voice further away this time. He was probably behind the cash register or unpacking boxes. Maybe I'd help later..  
  
"Pretty dead." I sat up, wincing as I did so. [Sleep.Sleep.Sleep.] "No vamps. Well, except for Spike.." I shrugged, "But he's practically part of the scenery now. You know, like a shrub or a bush. Is a shrub the same thing as a bush?"  
  
"Things have been rather quiet lately. I wonder.."  
  
"I hate it when you start wondering. It always leads to researching and then alarming discoveries and then me killing something and having to wash grind and blood out of my new tops." He stared at me and I blinked, staring back.  
  
"Yes. Well I wonder if something is keeping these vampires away."  
  
"Like scaring them off?"  
  
He nodded. Woo. See? Sometimes I know what the heck he's saying. One point for Buffy.  
  
"Perhaps. Or maybe this is simply a quiet time and we should be happy. It's nothing to fret over." He said, turning back to the shelves.  
  
"Phew." I said, sarcastically. Giles cocked his head to the side, regarding me with an 'aren't-you-funny?' glare.  
  
"Why don't you make yourself useful." He suggested, pointing to a box of old books waiting to be shelved.  
  
Knowing the day would be empty anyway, I shrugged, picking up the carton and walking it over to the empty bookcases.  
  
"Check me out. Working woman. Buffy Summers. Career gal." I mumbled, setting myself down next to the box.  
  
After a little more than half of the box had been shelved, I had been slightly reprimanded by Giles and re-shelved the books in the *correct* alphabetical order, I found myself fighting to stay awake. God, I should start drinking more coffee in the morning. Black. Just caffeine. I yawned and stretched out, behind the bookcases, letting my eyes close.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
+This happened before, Angel. That dream I had about the Master... It came true. +  
  
+Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember? +  
  
Can you remember?  
  
You remember?  
  
Remember.  
  
+Then we have to take care of her. Promise me, Buffy - if anything happens to me, if I don't come through this- +  
  
+Mom. +  
  
+No. Let me finish. No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter, and I have to know you'll keep her safe. You'll love her like I love you. +  
  
+I promise. +  
  
Promise.  
  
I promise.  
  
+My sweet, brave Buffy. What would I do without you? +  
  
What would I do?  
  
What would I do without you?  
  
Without you?  
  
+Close your eyes. +  
  
+Mom, I'm a vampire slayer. +  
  
+The monks gave it flesh.made it human.+  
  
My mother's voice rang out, clearer than ever before.  
  
+You have to wish to see it all. +  
  
[Wish. Wish. Wish.]  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
My eyes flew open, my heart still racing. All those faces. Mommy. Dawn. Angel. The people I would give my life for. This was no ordinary dream, I knew. But what did it mean?  
  
I was almost afraid to find out. 


	4. Words

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: Moonbeam  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Three:  
  
+Los Angeles+  
  
"So then I said, 'One of a kind? Please! I saw the same top at Gap last week!' Not that I shop at Gap or anything. Because that's so over. But you know what I mean." Cordelia finished, giving a little sigh.  
  
"Cord, do you have those files from the Richardson case?" Angel said, his eyes still glued to a book.  
  
"Uh..yeah." She stood up from behind the desk, shuffling through some folders. She continued her conversation with Wesley, "So then I went to get myself a cappuccino because I *so* deserved it after a morning like *that*." Angel rolled his eyes slightly, though he continued to read. A sunny LA morning full of shopping. The horrors.  
  
"And you will never, ever guess who I saw."  
  
Wesley took a sip of his tea. "Who?" He asked, prompting her to go on. Angel wanted to smack him sometimes.  
  
Cordelia pulled out a blue folder and put it down in front of Angel. "Oh, here you go. She turned back to Wesley. "Amanda Ravine!"  
  
Wesley stared blankly at her. "Come again?"  
  
She rolled her eyes, "Well of course *you* wouldn't remember her! She wouldn't have been caught dead in the Sunnydale High School library!" She scoffed, shoving some hair behind her ear. "But oh my gosh, you won't believe what's going down over there."  
  
That got Angel's attention. "What? What's wrong? Vampires?"  
  
Cordelia looked at him, almost appalled. "Not even close. God, not all of my friends were demonologists or whatever, if you remember correctly. *Some* of them had actual lives. Anyway, she said Clark Jay and Alyssa Birkway are getting married!"  
  
"That's wonderful." Wesley said, smiling.  
  
"EXCUSE me?" Cordelia's eyes widened. Wesley winced. "Wonderful? He like what, flips burgers for a living? And you know that she's probably pregnant or something. Sophomore year, the janitor found her in the broom closet with Christopher Sideband on the same day she started going with Rick Moore. Talk about skanky."  
  
"Were we talking about skanky?" Wesley asked, now completely lost.  
  
"I don't think so." Angel replied, standing up and walking to the bookshelf.  
  
Just then, the large doors to the Hyperion Hotel swung open, and Gunn entered the lobby.  
  
"Angel, Wes. Y'all ready to go?" He asked, stopping in front of Cordelia's desk and smiling. "Hey Cordy."  
  
"Where, exactly, are you guys going?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"Vamp nest, back down near my side of town. Figured since it was still light outside, we would have a slight upper hand. You know what I'm sayin'?"  
  
"Okay, yeah, that's all great. But Angel. Still a vampire. And sunlight. Still bad."  
  
"We're taking the tunnels, Cordelia." Angel said, putting on his duster and nodding to the two other men. "Let's go."  
  
"Fine. Go off. But don't come crawling back to me when you're craving the latest Sunnydale gossip fix." She sighed, as the door closed behind them. "Because I'm all out."  
  
Seeing her old friend had, as much as she hated to admit it, struck something in her. A memory? A flash of something she could have been? She should have been the girl carelessly sipping cappuccinos, dating a wealthy, handsome, *normal* man, and living the good life.  
  
"Stupid Powers-That-Suck." She muttered, clearing her throat, and turning her attention back to her computer screen, clicking around for a few seconds. Suddenly, she felt a pounding in the back of her head. She knew this feeling. The wheels on her computer chair skid backwards as she flung herself against it in blinding pain. Images flashed in and out of her line of vision and she grasped, frantically, at her head.  
  
As quickly as it came, it was gone; the only reminders of it were her raspy intakes of air, sweaty palms, and hammering heart.  
  
"Note to self: Mocking the PTB, equals serious ouch." She said, bitterly.  
  
But memories of the vision were still crystal clear, and she got a sinking, sinking feeling. Angel was absolutely going to *hate* this.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
+Sunnydale+  
  
When I was a little girl, nightmares were my biggest fear. Each night I'd lie on my back, staring up at the ceiling, hoping that this night would be a good one. No monsters. No fear. Just sleep.  
  
I was eight when my cousin Celia died. I was standing over her hospital bed when it happened. Everything was burned, permanently engraved, into my mind. The way her cheeks paled, the color just draining from her face, and the way her eyes widened, in complete helplessness and fear, begging me to save her. That night, as I slept, I saw her everywhere. Every corner I turned, every place I looked, she was there. Bleeding, limping, crying, and yelling at me for letting her die.  
  
I didn't sleep for three whole nights after that. Eventually, I was too exhausted to even dream and sleep just came. But I was terrified of them. Nightmares. The way they crept up on you and strangled you, to the point where it didn't feel like anything was real or could be trusted. I found out later, that being the Slayer was a lot like having a bad dream.  
  
Sometimes I wonder if the nightmares I had were warnings. A foreshadowing of what my life would be like. Scary and black and full of dread. I don't *really* think so. But you never know.  
  
That afternoon, back at the Magic Box, I had a sudden flash of waking up, eight-years-old, terrified of whatever had snuck into my mind and attacked me in my sleep. The panic that washes over you, and then, finally-relief. It surges through you, telling you none of it was real. [It was just a dream. It was just a dream.] Of course, the prophetic ones don't ever provide much relief. But that really goes without saying.  
  
My first reaction was to tell Giles. He would know what to do. He always knew what dreams like these meant. Evil vampire-leaders, creepy Gentlemen, even the occasional apocalypse..he would have answers.  
  
But something in the back of my mind nagged me, telling me otherwise. The dream hadn't contained anything supernatural. Nothing that was a potential danger to me, or to anyone else. Telling Giles would result in endless questioning, and much sympathy. Sympathy for all I'd gone through. Sympathy for Angel leaving. Sympathy for Mom. I didn't want any of it, not at the moment.  
  
So I hit the books. Researching had never really been my thing. Mostly, it bored the hell out of me. But this time I had to know. It was like something unleashed inside of me, filling me with a hunger to understand.  
  
I decided to start with basics. I looked up dreams. I read up on sleep patterns, dream analysis, dream control.it was all there. I read everything I could get my hands on, as I sat in that back room for hours. Nobody interrupted me, oddly enough, but I was too involved to really care enough to be offended. Giles had probably gotten caught up in his readings too. Ironically, the book that held my answers was the book I didn't mean to find.  
  
I was finishing up, fairly discouraged, cursing myself for not being smart like Giles or Willow. Wishing that knowledge came to me like it came to them. As I stood up to leave, my eyes casually scanned over the shelves, when I saw something different. Among the other books, was a thin, grey book with no text on its binding. I reached over, easily sliding it off the shelf. As I looked at it closer, I could make out an image, faded, but still there. It was a bird of some sort. Blue, at one point in time. Its wings were sprawled out across the left corner of the book, curling towards the bottom. I opened it, the pages extremely thin and fragile. The text was small, no smaller than any of the other books, and black; smooth against the creamy pages.  
  
But what got to me were the words. There, sprawled out across the page, in black cursive were the words that stopped my heart.  
  
*Once Upon A Time..*  
  
A fairy tale book? Giles actually *owned* fairy tales? My breath got caught in my throat, and for some reason, I couldn't stop the tears that filled my eyes. Afternoons spent curled up with Mom and Dawn, reading book after book- princesses, dwarfs, clouds, and stars and magic. Memories of being carefree and happy. God, I had forgotten how good it felt. To hope all these wonderful things could happen. Maybe. Someday. Somehow. But as I looked over the next line, everything stopped.  
  
*..there was a Vampire Slayer.* 


	5. Clarity

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: Moonbeam  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
Feedback: Would be *loved.* Thanks for everything so far!!  
  
A/N: I know that sometimes the transitions are a little unclear, but unless you're reading a *dream sequence,* or Buffy isn't actually in the scene, (duh) everything is in her POV. First person. Just thought I'd clear that up.  
  
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Chapter Four:  
  
Only moments before, she had told him. Touched his cheek and smiled shyly, letting the words tumble out.  
  
If he had been someone else, another man, with other stories, and another past, maybe it wouldn't have been so important to him. Wonderful, yes, but in an altogether different way.  
  
Because mixed in with this happiness, was hope. Hope that he had a chance to be someone. Not some..thing. Because if she felt this way about him, there had to be something good in him that she could see. There had to be.  
  
"Buffy...." He smiled gently at her, the glow reaching his eyes. "Do you really mean that?"  
  
"You know I do." She grinned, letting her hair fall over her back and looking up at him. "I love you, Spike."  
  
"Oh, Buffy. Buffy." He grabbed her to him, lips meeting, letting their chests collide and crush together. "Buffy, I love you so much."  
  
"Spike..Spike.." She murmured against his lips. As they roughly pulled back for air, Buffy cocked her head back, breathing heavily, and staring at him.  
  
"It isn't good enough." She shook her head quickly, still gasping for air, "You just don't get it, do you? It will *never* be good enough! Everything you've done everyone you've killed. Men and women and.." She winced, painfully, "little kids, Spike."  
  
He looked down, his voice choked, his lips still burning from their kiss. "It's different now."  
  
"Come on. A bunch of men in lab coats get together to make you a chip-head and everything is just..different? You're still in there. The demon. The killer." She brought her arms out, grabbing at his shoulders and shaking him. "I know he's in there! I can see him! It's disgusting." She stopped for a moment, licking her lips. "YOU'RE disgusting."  
  
Confusion etched his words, his eyes searching her face for some understanding.  
  
"How can I make you understand? I'd die before hurting you, love. I would."  
  
"You don't have a choice. No choice. No chance. Nothing. The choice is *mine.*" Her eyes flickered for a minute, before she brought her head forward, kissing him lightly before pulling away to whisper,  
  
"You have to wish to see it all."  
  
The last thing Spike saw were her eyes before he felt the hard wood from her stake ram through his chest.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
I can always feel him coming. And not in the spiritual 'we have a connection' blah, blah, blah way. It's just simple fact. He's a vampire. I'm the Slayer. And I can sense 'em a mile away. It's a part of the Slayage- package. You know, like, paid vacations or something.  
  
With Angel, the feeling would start in my belly, like with regular, stake- of-the-hour, vampires. A little pull, or ache. But it would explode into butterflies, the moment I distinguished him from the rest. Like a happy cramp. Right.  
  
With Spike, I get pangs, like with the rest of them. I can't even *really* tell him apart from other vampires until he's close enough, but I can always sense him. I've been meeting him in dark cemeteries for three years now. Practice makes perfect, or something along those lines. Spike has this..this..aura that always, no matter what scenario, seems to scream..  
  
"Bad news."  
  
Exactly. Wait.huh?  
  
"What?" I asked, looking over at Spike as he pulled on his duster. Where did he come from? Yikes. Less thinking. More watching.  
  
He huffed, falling into step next to me, "I said I have bad news."  
  
I don't know what did it, but as I looked at his eyes, panicked and rushed..I didn't doubt him. It only lasted for a split second, and I could have smacked myself afterwards, but something about his whole vibe seemed right. I trusted him.  
  
Dear God.  
  
"What do you mean, 'bad news'?" I looked over at him.  
  
"I *mean,* the kind that isn't good!" He exclaimed, irritated.  
  
"Spike." I said roughly, tightening my grip on the stake in my hand, "If you have information worth hearing, I'm all ears. But if you're going to waste my time then get the hell out of my way."  
  
He was silent for a minute, before I heard him clear his throat.  
  
"I had a..a..nightmare. First one I've had in a good ninety years. I'm not exactly a warm milk, close my eyes and dream the night away kind of guy, you know?"  
  
"The nightmare." I said in a steady voice.  
  
"Right. Well, ugh," He stammered a bit, "..you were there. In it. We were, um, talking, and you started going crazy."  
  
"Crazy." I repeated.  
  
"Yelling, screaming all sorts of things. " He looked at me closer, "Well, now that I think about it, that's not exactly out of the ordinary either."  
  
"Spike...." My voice was a warning and he could tell.  
  
"You said something. That the choice was yours, not mine. That I had to wish? Something like that, I don't rightly know. You staked me good and proper right after. Bit upsetting, if I do say so."  
  
"Wish? Wish?!" I stopped walking turning to face Spike, "You HAVE to think harder. What else did I say? What else?"  
  
"Ugh." He scratched his head, ".S'all, really. Wish. No choice. Spike's evil. Blah, bloody, blah."  
  
I raised my fist, preparing to punch him. "I'm telling you the truth, Slayer. Nothing else happened. I woke up."  
  
I sighed, frustrated, and nodded. "Alright. Fine."  
  
"What, that's it? No 'thanks'? No 'sorry for dream-staking you? Nerve of some people."  
  
But I didn't even hear him. Didn't even notice. Because my mind was gone.far off.wondering what was happening.  
  
And what would happen next.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
The book started off like all the others. One girl in all the world to stop the spread of evil, blah, blah, blah. Secret identity, much training, vampire here, demon there, then she trains a little more. Basically, some stuffy author writing about what it was like to be the Slayer, when they had no idea what it was like. Just text. All facts, no fun, y'know? And no inside scoop.  
  
Soon, it started talking about the pressure. The anxiety, and the confusion, of being the Slayer. About starting to lose yourself in something bigger, and eventually, drowning in it. Because, I mean, it gets to your head. You have no idea what it's like to kick all this ass, and get all this praise, and still keep your ego in check. I know I sound like I love myself beyond belief, but it's true. How do you keep yourself grounded?  
  
Faith, before she went psycho-girl, used to talk about it. It's funny, how when I look back on it now, I can see how lost she was. Back then I just thought she was on some 'Superwoman' kick. But really, she was trying to understand it all. How she could have so much power. So much strength, and still be considered an ordinary girl to the rest of the world. She wanted the fame and the gratitude, and the glory. And maybe I do too. I don't know.  
  
The book said it was all about mental discipline. Controlling the feelings, fighting the urges, etcetera, etcetera. After my Mom died, I told Giles I thought I was getting hard inside. That I was losing my ability to love. After the trip he took me on and the ritual he performed, I never mentioned it again. He seemed to have forgotten about it. But, really, how could I? I don't even know what death being my gift *means.* I'm just as bewildered as I was before any of it. They do that sometimes. My friends. I know they don't mean too. But sometimes they just..forget. What I'm going through. What I'm feeling.  
  
Just because I act like the perfect pillar of strength and courage, it doesn't mean I'm not freaking inside. I keep my cool, sure, but I still crumble sometimes. I guess it's just easier for them to pretend like I don't. It makes them feel safer. To know that one of them can protect the rest of the world. A shoe-in. You know?  
  
I never really cared..so much. But now, more than ever, I find myself thinking about it. How removed I am from the rest of my friends. Even from Dawn. She's my sister, but it doesn't even seem to mean anything when it comes to this stuff. I'm the Slayer. The Chosen One.  
  
The only one.  
  
This book is a lot like my life. People created a fairy tale about a Vampire Slayer because..well..to the naked eye, what doesn't seem unreal about all this? These people's lives are crumbling all around them. Their friends and families are dying and it's all they can do to avoid being slaughtered by these horrible demons.  
  
And then this one girl comes along. She's strong and powerful and she takes these big baddies out. And as soon as she dies, a new one is called. It's a guarantee. I guess I never really, really realized that my friends are just..people. And just like whoever needed to write this story, they need to believe that even though they're living their lives on a Hellmouth, they have this great warrior fighting by their side. Again, not so much egotistical, just..honest. I'm not blind.  
  
They'd be dead without me.  
  
True to its introduction, in typical fairy tale form, the story talks about a better place. Says it's for warriors, like the Slayer. Where there isn't any confusion or doubt or loneliness. This wonderful dimension where you can go. To be, finally, free.  
  
But the only way to see it, to go there, to open yourself up..is to make a wish.  
  
*I have to wish to see it all.*  
  
The wish must be true. Intentions must be pure. And everything feels like it fits. My intentions, my hopes, the timing.  
  
So it's like this..  
  
[Happy birthday, Buffy. Look at all the candles. All you have to do is close your eyes..]  
  
[..and make a wish.]  
  
..the question just got switched.  
  
What *is* my wish?  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
TBC..next, more LA action.. 


	6. Lies

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: Moonbeam  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
Feedback: Was pretty crappy for the last chapter. Hence, the horrible wait for this chapter. PLEASE, review!!  
  
A/N: I suck, I know. I'm sorry!! It doesn't really seem like anyone's reading this story anyway. I haven't gotten much feedback. BUT, I don't want to just give up. So-here's one more. Let's hope SOME people read it! If the response is good, I should definitely, definitely have the next chapter up sooner.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Five:  
  
+Los Angeles+  
  
"What else do you remember?" Angel asked, looking at Cordelia closely. She sighed, pressing the ice pack against her temple.  
  
"Not much. Everything was really vague." She closed her eyes, trying to remember, to go back, to piece it all back together. "There was a really bright light. Everything smelled like.." She waved her hand around, trying to give the heavenly scent a name. "..like vanilla. It was beautiful. It wasn't a bad place, y'know? There was this symbol..I couldn't get a good look at it, it was gone so fast." She paused. "And then I heard this..this scream. I don't know who it was or where it came from but it was so full of pain..and.." She sniffled, shivering slightly as she remembered the feeling. "..fear. God, Angel, it was so scared."  
  
"It's okay. Just take it easy." Angel said, exchanging worried looks with Gunn and Wesley as Cordelia wiped at her eyes.  
  
"That's not..that's not all." She said quietly, keeping her eyes down. "I saw someone. It was fast, like a flash, but I'd know that face anywhere."  
  
"Well, who was it? We'll find them and help them. That's the gig." Gunn offered.  
  
".I." Cordelia looked up at Angel helplessly. "Buffy." She whispered.  
  
"Buffy?" Wesley repeated, shocked.  
  
"Buffy." Angel mumbled to himself, his eyes wide. He sat down next to Cordelia.  
  
"Who's Buffy?" Gunn asked. Wesley turned to look at him, and then looked back down at Angel.  
  
"Buffy Summers..she's the..ah, vampire Slayer back in Sunnydale. I was her Watcher." He motioned to Cordelia and Angel. "We all..knew her. Worked with her for some time."  
  
"Oh." Gunn nodded with a sudden understanding. "Right. Angel's Slayer." Upon Wesley's confused look, Gunn motioned towards Cordelia. "She mentioned her."  
  
"She's not my Slayer." Angel said, distractedly, still staring off. "Not anymore."  
  
"O-kay." Gunn said, giving him a puzzled look. "So what do we do? We go, right? We do the helping-thing."  
  
"Look, Angel, I don't know if she was even the one in trouble. She *is* the Slayer. Maybe she was saving someone who was in danger." Cordelia said quickly, trying to reassure him.  
  
"Did you see anything else?" Wesley asked.  
  
Cordelia shook her head. "No. That was it."  
  
"I'm calling Giles." Angel said, standing up abruptly.  
  
"Angel, you should calm down. There's no reason to alarm them when we still don't even know what this is about." Wesley said.  
  
"Who's Giles?" Gunn asked.  
  
"Her Watcher." Cordelia snapped, her eyes still on Angel.  
  
"But I thought Wesley was her Watcher."  
  
"Gunn! Shut up!" Cordelia exclaimed, clearly annoyed.  
  
"If something's after Buffy then we need to warn her. Case closed." Angel said, walking towards the desk.  
  
"Case *not* closed!" Cordelia said, right on his heels. "I know you're freaked. And it's Buffy which equals double-freaked, but you can't lose your cool. We just have to figure out what it meant. So we really can help her." She said, her voice softening.  
  
"You mentioned something about a symbol?" Wesley asked.  
  
"Yeah. A bird, or something. It just popped in and out, I couldn't really get the best look at it. But it was big. And blue."  
  
"A big, blue bird. This should be easy." Gunn said, following Wesley towards the bookshelves.  
  
"Angel, whatever it is..we'll figure it out." Cordelia placed a hand on his arm. "She's going to be fine. Really."  
  
"Yeah. We'll..we'll help her." Angel mumbled, turning away from her, an overwhelming sense of fear clouding his mind.  
  
Because Angel knew that if Buffy was connected, in any way, to this blue symbol..something terrible was about to happen.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
"Buffy? Why did the Roman Empire fall?"  
  
We were in the Magic Box a few days later, and I was trying to read more of my book without letting anyone else see it. This was turning out to be much more of a challenge than I had expected.  
  
"Buffy?! Hello?! Do you even *remember* that you have a sister anymore?"  
  
"What?" I looked up, seeing Dawn's annoyed expression, and sighed. I could only imagine how long I had been ignoring her. "I'm sorry, Dawnie. What did you say?"  
  
"You know what? Never mind. Just forget it." She slammed her-history?-book shut and stormed off to the back of the store.  
  
"Oh that's really great." I muttered, running a hand through my hair. I had totally been neglecting my sisterly duties to Dawn. She knew, I knew.I think my friends knew too. They were being particularly nice to her. I wondered if they were talking about me.  
  
"Buffy? Is something the matter?" Giles came around the counter, looking at me curiously.  
  
"Huh? No. I'm fine. Great, even. Just..really tired."  
  
"You really shouldn't be. There's hardly been any supernatural activity going on. If anything, you should be well-rested." He cocked his head, regarding me carefully, "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"  
  
I smiled, nodding my head. "I'm sure."  
  
"Well. You know I'm here if you need anything." He said, with a small smile.  
  
He didn't believe me. Of course he didn't. Giles knew me better than anyone else. Stupid.  
  
I smiled back, fake, bright, forced, and stood up to find Dawn. She was in the back room, sitting on the floor, her homework in her lap. I cleared my throat, shifting uncomfortably in the doorway. I was *so* unbelievably bad at this. Sibling rivalry-not so bad. But now..being Dawn's *guardian*..it was such a big thing. I was, like, her parent. It was weird. And so very scary.  
  
"You know, they say that it's much easier to do homework at a table." I paused, seeing her snap her head up, "They sometimes have chairs there. For sitting."  
  
"Leave me alone." She said, looking back down and scribbling things in her notebook. She had a nice pen. Blue, with little gold flecks on the outside. It looked expensive, too. Come to think of it, I had never seen that pen before.  
  
"Dawnie? Where'd you get that pen?"  
  
She paused, and I could have sworn I saw something resembling panic flash in her eyes. "Uh..my friend Christina gave it to me."  
  
"Oh." I went over that in my head, and accepted it. Not like I'd have noticed a new pen anyway. "It's nice."  
  
God. What kind of a sister am I? I'm trying to work things out with her and I get distracted by her *pen*? Smooth, Buffy. Very smooth.  
  
"Whatever. I really need to finish." She said quickly, shutting me off.  
  
"Okay." I put my hands up, signaling my surrender. "I just wanted you to know..I'm sorry I've been so gone lately. I'm just so scattered. My head is all messed..but I never meant to neglect you. So. I'm really sorry."  
  
She gave me a small smile, shaking her head to herself. "It's okay, Buffy. Geez. You act like I'm going to kill you or something if I get upset with you."  
  
I snorted, "You underestimate the power of an angry teenager."  
  
"Funny." She said, raising her eyebrows.  
  
I laughed, watching her gather up her stuff and walk out at my side.  
  
"I thought so."  
  
-------------------------------------- 


	7. Priorities

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: babyxeyes (*Note: I recently changed my pen name from 'moonbeam' to 'babyxeyes,' just out of a need for some change. So all previous chapters were written by me, only they were under the Moonbeam name. Just in case there was any confusion.)  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
Feedback: Thank you. :D Muah.  
  
Author's Note: In response to the review from Queen Boadicea - I don't plan on making my e-mail address available, for plenty of reason I'm not even going to start getting into. (Let's just put it under a 'bad past experience' category) So I hope you don't mind if I address your comments here. I'm definitely going to finish this story. Probably sometime throughout the next couple of chapters. And I can absolutely promise you it will be anti B/S. Okay? :D  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Six:  
  
Once I had finished the book, things got a little better.  
  
Every time something got me stressed, I made myself think of the book that was now safely secured underneath my mattress, just waiting for me. Providing me with a smidgen of hope. Just enough to get me through each problem. No more, no less.  
  
Thinking back on it, I might have been a tiny bit addicted. It was a little like a drug for me. I needed my daily dosage. Without it, I couldn't even remember how I had survived before.  
  
I know you're probably wondering how emotions and feelings like this can come from one book. And I know you're probably thinking that now, I'll explain. I'll tell you everything about the book. Tell you what it said, and what it promised, and what it meant to me.  
  
But I'm not going to tell you anything. I'm going to show you.  
  
Just wait.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
+Los Angeles+  
  
"Angel, would you mind explaining to me why you're doing this?" Cordelia's voice rang out softly, from the doorway of Angel's bedroom. Though his back was turned to her, she knew that she hadn't startled him in any way. He had sensed her coming.  
  
Hello? Vampire abilities!  
  
Angel sighed loudly, hastily folding another black sweater into his bag.  
  
"Don't have time, Cordy. Pass me that jacket?"  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes and angrily threw the jacket to him.  
  
"Excuse me? Do we not work together anymore? If you're about to trek halfway across California to go to Sunnydale, leaving the rest of us behind with a business to run and not even the slightest idea what's happening, the *least* you can do is explain."  
  
"They'll need my help, Cordelia. I can't waste any more time."  
  
"Waste?! Isn't this what we do?! I get the visions, we work them out, and the three of you swoop in just in time. Why is this any different?!"  
  
He glared at her, frustrated and losing patience.  
  
"Because this time, it's Buffy." He said, gritting his teeth and pushing past her to start down the stairs. She ran after him, cutting him off on the staircase and stopping so she was right in front of him.  
  
"Listen, Angel! I know you two have this big passionate history, but why does that give you the right to take everything we stand for and blow it out the window? We're a team! You can't do this without us. You don't even know what the vision meant."  
  
"Yes I do." Angel spat out, continuing past her angry form and making his way down the rest of the steps.  
  
"And you didn't tell us?" She latched her hand around his wrist to stop his quick strides towards the door. He shut his eyes briefly, trying to control his anger. When he opened them again, she was looking at him with nothing but disbelief written in her eyes.  
  
"You knew. You knew what the vision meant..you knew everything, and you didn't even bother telling *me!* I'M only reason you had any CLUE all this was happening anyway!" The volume of her voice was getting louder, and Wesley and Gunn came out of the back room to see what was happening.  
  
He stared at her for a second. "You know where I'll be." He turned for the front door of the Hyperion, as Wesley's voice rang out behind him.  
  
"You can't let your love for Buffy control your life, Angel. You'll go mad if it does."  
  
The only response was the sound of the door slamming behind Angel as he left.  
  
"At least she'll still be alive." He muttered to himself, getting into his car and pulling away into the night.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
+Sunnydale+  
  
I had the night of the ceremony set for the thirteenth.  
  
I had never really been very superstitious. I mean, when you face death on a nightly basis, you don't really let things like 'bad luck' get to you. So thirteen was okay for me.  
  
That whole day, I had been particularly jumpy. I was a little nervous. I didn't even know what to expect. It was the first time I had 'dabbled' in something like this without my friends one step behind me. If something went wrong, no one would even *know.* I was completely on my own.  
  
But, you know, no pressure.  
  
I had told Willow that I had been feeling a little burnt out, and kind of needed just a quiet night for myself. I lied to my best friend, and she bought it. If that lipstick I stole freshman year wasn't sending me to hell, then this was definitely my ticket. But Will took Dawn, no questions asked, just like a good friend is supposed to do. Dawn, Tara & Willow were all going out for dinner, and then spending the night at Willow's dorm. Giles was home, and I didn't even want to think about Xander and Anya, for fear of discovering that not-so happy visual place they sometimes take me to.  
  
But basically, I had the place-and the night-to myself.  
  
The book was sitting on the living room table, opened to the right page. In front of me were the bottle of vanilla and the small sack of blue feathers. Honestly, I was *going* to pay Giles back for those. At this point, I knew the instructions by heart, so I set into action before I could chicken out.  
  
Opening the bottle of vanilla, I read the first line on the page, and dipped my finger in the bottle, smearing some of the extract on each of my wrists. As I continued to read, I watched as the sack of feathers opened all on its own. The smallest feather in the bag floated out, stopping midair. I brought my hand out until it was just under it, and I finished the chant, letting the feather drop into the palm of my hand.  
  
My voice was shaking, but I pressed on. I was almost finished, anyway. A hazy cloud was falling over my eyes, and I brought the feather to my lips, kissing it gently. All I could smell, taste, feel.was vanilla.  
  
"Bring me to her." I whispered.  
  
And then I felt myself fall away.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Giles was reading.  
  
The night was peaceful, and there wasn't as much as a twinkle of sound from the outside. It was odd, after living on Sunnydale for five years, to have nights like these. Although they were rare and few, they still surprised him when they occurred.  
  
He was just closing his book, getting ready to go to bed himself, when he heard a quick knock at the door.  
  
For a minute, he was completely puzzled. He knew Willow and Tara were planning some sort of 'night of fun' for Dawn because Buffy was wiped out. And while Willow didn't think twice about it, Giles did. He was worried about his Slayer. The empty eyes, the stifled yawns, the fake smiles. He was more than just worried about his fighter..he was worried about the woman inside of her.  
  
Something was bothering her.  
  
But regardless of all this, he knew that she was at home tonight. Maybe it was Xander, asking for something? He silently hoped Anya wasn't with him. As much as he enjoyed her company, she could be a little hard to take at some hours. This time of night, being one of them.  
  
He cleared his throat, standing up and walking to the door. Pulling it open, his eyes widened as they fell over the last person..or non person he had expected to see on the other side.  
  
"Hey Giles." Angel said politely, barely concealing the urgency in his voice. "Mind if I come in?"  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
TBC.. 


	8. Questions

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: babyxeyes  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
Feedback: Wonderful. Thank you!  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Seven:  
  
"Angel. Why-I must say this is quite a surprise." Giles fumbled, slightly, opening the door a bit wider. "Ah, yes, please. Come in."  
  
"I'm sorry to bother you this late." Angel spoke, once they were both inside.  
  
"No, no. I was still awake, actually." He paused, still very much confused, and decided that tact could be put aside for the moment. "Why are you here?"  
  
The corners of Angel's mouth twitched, just a little. The question was so unlike Giles. He really had changed since they had last met. Hell, he was starting to sound more and more like ..  
  
"It's Buffy." Angel said, his wandering thoughts jolting him back to the reason he had come.  
  
"Buffy? I spoke to her this afternoon." Giles offered.  
  
Angel shook his head, "Something's *going* to happen to her, and we need to stop it. Cordelia, she had a vision."  
  
"Cordelia? *She* had this vision?"  
  
"She gets them, now. She's become my link to the Powers. It's..interesting." Angel gave Giles a second to process the information, before plunging on. This was about Buffy. Not Cordelia.  
  
"Giles, we'll need some of your books." He looked at him for a moment, suddenly not knowing if he would even believe him. "Specifically..the fairytales."  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
I chose vanilla.  
  
The spell had room for one variable. A way of making the whole process more personal, I guess. Aside from the individual wish, the scent you carried with you was your only link back to the dimension you came from.  
  
After the spell is recited, you're sucked into a portal. Just one big portal, for all the people trying to get to their own destination. Kind of like an airport. If you don't have that scent on you, you're lost among the crowd. With no way of going forward, or back home.  
  
I could have chosen anything. Blood of a demon. Ashes of a vampire. Things that would have given me power, and strength for the journey. I might not have passed out, actually.  
  
[I don't care what you are. A champion fighter or..a vampire slayer. You're my daughter. My little girl. And you always will be.]  
  
But I decided to just be her. Buffy. Not "the Slayer."  
  
And Buffy doesn't like blood or piles of dust.  
  
Buffy likes vanilla.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Angel held the blue feather in his hand, examining it closely.  
  
"How could this happen?" Willow spoke, from where she sat on the living room couch. "How could we not have seen this coming?"  
  
"You do crazy things when you're in mourning. It's nobody's fault." Tara said, gently, tightening the hold she had on her girlfriend's hand.  
  
"But Buffy knows better than this. I mean she's not stupid." Xander ran a nervous hand through his hair, still unable to understand the night's events. "She stops these things. She wouldn't just put herself *in* danger!"  
  
"Angel?" Dawn said, quietly, from her spot on the floor.  
  
Angel's whole expression softened at the sound of Dawn's voice. Even though he knew his memories of her weren't real, he cared very much about her. When he looked at her, he saw the girl Buffy could have been. Just a sweet, confused teenager. He had always had a soft spot for her.  
  
He brought his eyes to hers, letting her know he was listening.  
  
"Where..where did Buffy go?"  
  
All eyes in the room turned to Angel, where he was standing in the doorway to the Summers' living room, and he swallowed the lump in his throat.  
  
"We can't know for sure." He paused. "Everyone goes someplace different."  
  
"How does it work?" Willow asked, sitting up a bit.  
  
Angel cleared his throat, putting the feather down and taking a step forward. "The spell is only for warriors. Fighters. Demons, vampires-"  
  
"And Slayers." Xander cut him off, somewhat bitterly.  
  
Angel looked at him for a second, giving a small nod. "Right. It feeds off emotion. Hurt, pain, grief..the book says that it can make all the misery go away, but it doesn't always work that way."  
  
"I don't get it." Dawn looked at Angel questioningly, and he gave a small sigh. They didn't understand-they couldn't-why this was so difficult for him. A sharp wave suddenly ran through him, as he felt an alarmingly strong sense of need for Buffy. If she had been there, she wouldn't have needed to understand. She just would have known that something was bothering him. And she would have stopped their prodding.  
  
But she wasn't there. And he was the only link they had to get her back.  
  
"You start off in a portal." Angel sat down on the edge of the couch. "The trip alone can take hours, depending on where you're being sent to. The purpose of the journey is to have your soul read. Once the Powers understand what, exactly, you've been wishing for, they can give it to you. Make it happen."  
  
"Anything?" Dawn asked, in disbelief.  
  
"Anything." He confirmed.  
  
"Well what's so bad about that?" Xander questioned.  
  
"The wish ends. It doesn't last forever, and you're sent back to your own world, feeling worse off than you were. Because now you really know that all you can ever get are glimpses. These wishes..they're always very impossible, yes? They make the world you live in seem dull, and unimportant in comparison." Giles looked to Angel, to see if his assumptions were correct. Angel's small nod told him all he needed to know.  
  
"Before you leave, they mark you. It's an incredibly painful, drawn out process, and in most cases, by the time it's finished you can hardly remember anything about what you saw. The wish, the glimpse..it's all thick. Like a dream you didn't really have." Angel finished.  
  
The room was silent, as everyone worked through their own thoughts.  
  
"Okay, so, recap?" Xander was the first to speak. "Buffy's hurting lots. Right now she's swirling through some portal, being taken to wherever her mind wishes she were. Once she sees what she wants to see, they'll take the memory away from her, and send her back to us."  
  
"And the scars from an ordeal like that don't heal easily, one would assume." Giles continued.  
  
"So basically, Buffy comes back worse off than she was before." Xander's voice was dull and empty.  
  
"Um." Tara's voice was soft and unsure. "Sh-she could..d-d-die. Right?" She stuttered slightly, as everyone focused their attention on her.  
  
"What?" Willow asked, horrified.  
  
"Yes." Angel said, ignoring everyone but the wicca.  
  
"Look Angel, I know you've been a little out of our loop lately, but that's *still* considered important information!" Xander snapped out.  
  
"How did you know?" Angel asked Tara.  
  
"W-w-well I'm no expert, but I know some stuff about portals, in g- general." She paused, "You need strength, and s-stamina to survive the trip. She'd have made it the first time, with Slayer-strength and all that, b-b-but after whatever they put her through, she might not be strong enough." She spoke slowly, watching her friends carefully.  
  
"Then she'll die." Dawn's voice was sharp and positive.  
  
"Dawnie, we won't it happen. We'll stop this." Willow said, soothingly.  
  
Dawn shook her head, not wanting to be coddled. "She won't be able to make it back."  
  
The room was silent, as everyone listened to the teenager's words.  
  
"She's going to wish Mom was still alive. And once she sees her, she'll be ruined."  
  
  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
TBA..  
  
** Ack, I know it's a little short. Just wanted to fill in some of the blanks! ** 


	9. Visions

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: babyxeyes  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
Feedback: Keep it coming!!  
  
A/N: I'm a little unsure about how good this chapter is, so please let me know what you think. Thanks. :D  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Eight:  
  
Dawn looked down, playing with the hem on her shirt, clearly avoiding eye contact. Angel could see the tears glistening in her eyes, and he felt so much of her pain, he could have screamed. This was what he did. Day after day, week after week, back in LA. He helped people. Random strangers with whom he had no feelings for or history with.  
  
This time, it was Buffy. The woman he would give anything for, without a moment's hesitation. Her memory, the sole reason he opened his eyes and got out of bed day after day. And he couldn't even help her. Couldn't prevent Dawn from crying or Giles from feeling like a failure, or all of her friends from feeling like they were useless. If Buffy wasn't in this life, then he had nothing to push for. He swallowed, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room.  
  
It was time to tell them the real reason he had come.  
  
"I have to go in after her."  
  
"What?" Willow looked up, shocked. "Angel, you can't do that."  
  
"If you go in, we have no guarantee that you'll be able to get back. And then we'll be even worse off than we were before." Giles said.  
  
"Right now, Buffy is trapped. She's strong, but she's not strong enough to make her way back to you. If you don't let me get to her now, you're leaving her to die. Now you can either help me do the spell, or let me do it on my own. Take your pick." Angel said slowly, pent up anger firmly lacing his every word.  
  
"The well-toned vampire has a point." Anya piped up, from where she had been sitting quietly next to Xander.  
  
"Angel, I understand your need to help Buffy. But it's a rather unstable plan." Giles looked at him seriously. "I want Buffy back as well, but there must be something els-"  
  
"There's no other way." Angel cut him off, "She'll die otherwise."  
  
"And since when are you Mr. Experienced when it comes to all this? How do you know Buffy can't handle it? She's Buffy!" Xander exclaimed.  
  
Dawn sighed. "He knows." She exchanged a look with him, telling him she understood. "If none of you will help him, I will."  
  
"Angel-"Giles began, but stopped when he saw the look of resolve on the vampire's face. When it came to Buffy, Angel was absolutely blinded. Arguing over this was like fighting a losing battle. "Ah..the book says you'll need to select a scent. I think we still have enough ingredients here to perform the spell again." He finished with a sigh.  
  
"The Slayer's trapped in an alternate dimension, and our best shot at getting her back is practically committing suicide." Xander mumbled to himself. "Great plan, everybody!"  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
I had been lying there for hours.  
  
I assume that I was unconscious the entire time I was in the portal, because I woke up on a hard white floor. It felt cold from under me, and I briefly remember wondering if I had been kidnapped. After a few moments of- to be completely honest-sheer terror, it all hit me. The book, and my mom, and the spell. All at once I felt incredibly foolish, and very afraid. I was lost, all by myself, in an alternate dimension. I had no clue what to do next, or how to get back home. Looking down hopefully, I realized that the book hadn't made it through the trip. In fact, it was probably still sitting on my living room table. Useless to me now. As I examined my legs, however, I realized that I was now also wearing a thin white dress.  
  
They stole my CLOTHES?!  
  
My body was aching. Like I had been run over by a truck a couple of times. My head throbbed, and my legs felt especially heavy. I had a distant memory of Giles talking to me about portals. He said they took a lot out of the human body. Energy. Groaning, I spent the next fifteen minutes trying to lift my head off the ground. Finally, I had managed to get myself in an upright position. Apparently Slayer strength was useless here.  
  
"Ugh. Memo to self: next time you decide to go dimension-hopping; pack an Advil." I muttered, looking around.  
  
The entire room was all white. There didn't appear to be any windows or doorways. Everything was smooth, and empty. Hence the white dress, I realized. I camouflaged perfectly.  
  
"Ah. You're awake." A masculine voice from behind me spoke. Snapping my head around, my eyes fell onto a figure dressed-shocker-all in white, who was holding a heavy-looking book. He smiled at me. "You needn't fear me. I just have to ask you a couple of questions and then you're free to go on ahead."  
  
"Ahead?" I repeated, my voice sounding raspy. He opened the book, turning the pages slowly before stopping.  
  
He grinned once more before taking a step towards me. "What's your name, Slayer?"  
  
"How did you-"I paused, mid-question. Of course he knew. They always knew. I sighed. "Buffy. And you are?"  
  
He shook his finger at me, "How many apocalypses have you faced in your lifetime, Buffy?"  
  
"Um.."  
  
Well, let's see. There was the Master, and then Angelus. We faced those snake guys, and then there was the Mayor. Riley helped with a couple, and- oh what the hell?!  
  
"A lot. Too many to count. And honestly, my brain isn't exactly functioning right now."  
  
He nodded, almost as if he had known I would say this. There was something about this guy that gave me the creeps. "Alright. Now, last one."  
  
"Before what, exactly?"  
  
He paved on ahead, looking like I had never even spoken. Flipping another page over in the book, his eyes scanned across the text, before he looked up at me again. "Do you think it's your fault your Mother is dead?"  
  
My face burned as I glared at him. "What gives you th-"  
  
He winked at me, "Great answer." He closed the book, and then everything was black once again.  
  
Figures. MORE passing out.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Angel's entrance was a bit different.  
  
For starters, he was conscious. He stood in the center of the room-this one was completely black-adjusting his eyes in no time. He could probably see more in the darkness then he could in the light. This, of course, was not surprising.  
  
When his eyes adjusted, however, they didn't see..anything. There was absolutely nothing in the room. Nothing but vast, black, distance.  
  
"Well, this should be fun." Angel mumbled, taking a few steps forward.  
  
"I'm very intrigued." A voice rang out from behind him. Turning around, Angel could clearly make out a man, covered entirely in all black, a large book in his arms. "You're the first one I've seen in a long time who isn't out cold right about now."  
  
"Send me to the next level."  
  
The man chuckled. "And he brings knowledge of the ritual. Very intriguing, indeed. But, I'm getting off track! There are questions to be asked.." He trailed off, muttering to himself as he opened the book and began leafing through it.  
  
"Hurry up and ask them. I don't have time to play games."  
  
"Don't rush me, vampire." He said easily, his eyes coming away from the page he appeared to be reading. "What year were you born?"  
  
Angel sighed loudly, "1727. Don't you guys already know this stuff?"  
  
"Well, well..you're very well-preserved. Why are you here?" He shifted topics so swiftly, Angel almost missed it.  
  
"You know why I'm here." He said, taking a step closer to the man. "I need you to take me to her."  
  
He stared at Angel for a moment, "You feel love for her. It's pure and everlasting, but there's no place for it here. We grant wishes. That's all."  
  
"If I can't be there to bring her back, you know the ritual will kill her."  
  
"As it has killed many before, and will kill others again. It's the way, Angel." Angel knew he hadn't given his name, but this man knew everything about him anyway. It was all written, right there in the book.  
  
"Not for her. It's not going to happen to her." He promised, through gritted teeth.  
  
"Would you die for her?"  
  
"Yes." Angel replied, with no hesitation.  
  
The man smiled genuinely at Angel for the first time, "Be strong for her." He closed the book, and then everything was black.  
  
And this time, with no power over it, Angel fell into a deep sleep too.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
The next room was a gray one.  
  
This time, when I opened my eyes, I instantly remembered where I was. Something clicked in my brain, and instant of mind-numbing fear, all I felt was excruciating pain. Score, right?  
  
It took me a few seconds to realize that something was off. The whole vibe of the room was wrong. It felt..nice. Smooth and calm. Nothing like the scratchy room before. It wasn't until I turned my head that I realized why.  
  
Because lying just a few feet away from me, was Angel.  
  
I could have cried I was so happy to see him next to me. Everything rushed at me and I realized I hadn't seen him since the funeral. He had held me under that tree, promising to stay, and then leaving me again. It seemed like the Powers weren't too fond of putting us together in the most pleasant situations, but..he was still here.  
  
He stirred then, opening his eyes slowly and letting them fall over me. They immediately softened, and I felt that familiar stirring in my tummy. That feeling I got whenever he would look at me like I was the only person he had in the world. I realized then, that he was the only person I had, and would ever, meet that made me feel like this. The revelation actually startled me, and I mentally chided myself for thinking about this stuff when there was obviously a much more important situation at hand.  
  
Like, for example, how he got here.  
  
"Buffy." He whispered as he tried to sit up, "Are you alright?"  
  
"I think so." I said stupidly, watching him get into a sitting position, wincing at the pain. Looking down at myself, I realized with an immense amount of relief that I was back in my regular clothing. "Angel..what are you doing here?"  
  
He stood then, his legs shaky but strong, and walked up to me. Taking my small hands in his larger ones, he lifted me onto my feet. "You shouldn't have to go through this on your own."  
  
"What am I going to go through?" I cried, "What exactly is happening?!"  
  
There was a flash of light, and Angel grabbed me to him, covering my face with his jacket. Even through the heavy material, I could see the bright light flickering as the floor from beneath us began to rumble. All at once everything stopped, and I could hear the sound of raggedy, pained breathing.  
  
It took me a moment to realize that the noise was coming from me.  
  
As I slowly brought my head up, brushing my fingers against the soft fabric of Angel's shirt along the way, I could hear a gasp catch in his throat.  
  
"Buffy.." His voice was frantic, begging me not to look at whatever was before us now, but I couldn't help myself.  
  
And there she was. Glowing, and more beautiful than I had ever seen her before. She wore something flowy and light, sparkling out from in front of me.  
  
"Hello Buffy."  
  
Mommy.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
TBC.. 


	10. Faces

Title: Some Wishes  
  
Author: babyxeyes  
  
Rated: PG13  
  
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. Grr....Argh, and all that stuff.  
  
Timeline: Buffy-S5. Shortly after Joyce's death.  
  
Pairings: X/A. W/T. B/A with some B/S undertones.  
  
Feedback: Love it.  
  
A/N: I apologize for the [flashback] [/flashback] tags, but some people have trouble understanding transitions. I'd rather be idiotically clear than confusing. Hope it's to your liking!  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Chapter Nine:  
  
I could feel Angel's eyes on me.  
  
Strangely enough, even with my dead mother standing in front of me, looking very not-so-dead..Angel's eyes on my back were the strongest thing I could feel in that cold gray room.  
  
That should have been my first indication that something was not right.  
  
But I picked up on nothing, simply stepping forward, edging closer to her.  
  
"Are you really here?" I asked, shakily.  
  
She reached out, touching my cheek with her hand, and smiling softly. "Oh, my sweet Buffy. Even more beautiful now."  
  
I cried then. I don't remember how long it lasted, or what happened next, but I felt myself collapsing to the ground, and being wrapped in an embrace. I could smell nothing but her, and I buried my face in her neck, inhaling it all, never wanting to forget. She ran her fingers through my hair as I cried, and I sobbed until I couldn't breathe anymore. Looking up at her face, I felt fresh tears gather in my eyes. Tears of love, and happiness, and grief.  
  
"Come on, sweetie. We don't have very much time. I'd like to talk to you for a while, okay?" I gave a small nod, and I stood up clumsily. As she rose to her own feet, I suddenly remembered Angel. Turning around quickly, I let out a sigh of relief when I realized he was still there. Not just a dream or another wish. He really was with me. With me. Angel. I could have sworn that I saw tears glistening in his eyes, but when her voice filled the air, I was too distracted to see if my head was just playing tricks on me.  
  
"How was your trip?" She asked, almost conversationally. She sounded nervous. I could tell.  
  
Mommy? Is that you? Are you here? Is this your home now? Do you watch me from here? Do you still pig out on chocolate ice cream? Do you float on clouds? Do you dream at night?  
  
I had so much to ask her, and I couldn't even get my throat to work.  
  
"Buffy? Honey, what's wrong?" Her voice was full of genuine concern. I could hear Angel taking a step closer to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat.  
  
"Why-I wished I could see you, but-how..I," I broke off, unable to make sense. The tears pressed against my eyelids and I bit down on my lip in frustration. Why was this hard? She was my mom, dammit! Since when did talking to her turn me into a stuttering idiot?  
  
'Since you found her dead on the living room couch.' A tiny voice screamed from somewhere inside my head. I ignored it, deciding instead to try again.  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
"We get one hour. I'm all yours." She said with the smile that I had missed so.  
  
"And then?"  
  
She hesitated, but spoke. "And then they send you back home and me back to wherever I was before."  
  
"Forever." I finished, desperately wishing I was holding onto Angel. I was too numb to move, though.  
  
"Yes." She said, looking down, almost ashamed. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. God- you think I quit. Just leaving you like that."  
  
My eyes widened and I almost choked in my haste to speak. "No! God, no, never! It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped anything. Mom-"My voice suddenly stopped as my mouth formed the word. I had never thought I'd be able to say that word to her again.  
  
"How is everything? Dawn?" She seemed to want a change in subject, and I allowed it.  
  
"She's good. She's human now. A little after you..um, Ben got hit by a car. You remember Ben? The nurse?" She nodded after a moment, and I continued. I knew I had to tell her what had happened. She deserved to know, even though it was still hard to talk about.  
  
"As soon as he was hit, Dawn started getting these visions. Visions of Ben turning into Glory, and Glory turning to Ben. She had seen it happen, but, they worked this magic so that any human who witnessed it all would forget. Ben was Glory, and Glory was Ben..it was this whole big body-swapping thing. By the time they lost him, we all remembered. Ben died and he took Glory with him." I paused, clearing my throat. "With Glory gone forever, the Key was erased. It was a big process with this weird monk, but.." I trailed off, "She's human now." I repeated my earlier statement, "You would have been so proud to see her."  
  
I could see her processing all the information, taking a deep breath before she spoke again. "And how are you?"  
  
"I'm..getting by." I answered, honestly. "It's hard without you. Really hard."  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy." She spoke, gently. She clasped her hands together, looking thoughtful. "I have to tell you something. They gave me a message.." Her eyes wandered until they finally landed on his form. "I wonder how they knew you'd be here."  
  
"I guess they're getting better." Angel answered. His voice was cold. What was his problem? He had always said he liked my mom. Maybe things changed when she became a corpse.  
  
My entire body turned to ice as the thought went through my brain.  
  
[Corpse?] Mommy. Warm and soft and full of light. [Body.]  
  
I stumbled backwards, and I heard Angel rush forward to catch me before I could hit the ground.  
  
"Buffy!" I heard her voice cry out, as Angel held me tightly. Don't be scared, Mommy, was what I meant to say. But my throat..my voice..where had it gone?  
  
[Oh Buffy. You got your dress all dirty. Now I'll have to wash it out.]  
  
[But Mommy. I like it like this.]  
  
"Look at me, Buffy." Angel spoke, firmly, his voice barely reaching me, as I floated freely inside my head. I allowed my body to go lax, trusting myself in his arms.  
  
[You're my daughter, Buffy. And no matter what happens, or where life takes us, we will always have a special connection.]  
  
[How?]  
  
[Because as long as I'm in this world, the love I have for you will never, ever dim. Will you remember that for me?]  
  
"BUFFY!" Angel sounded panicked, and I remember realizing that I had really never heard him like this. Panicked. Scared. Vulnerable.  
  
[Yes Mommy. I'll remember.]  
  
[Good, honey. Good.]  
  
Something shot through me, and my eyes widened to the point where they almost popped out of my sockets. The blood drained from my head and I felt extremely dizzy.  
  
"Buffy. Look at me. Focus on me." The sound of Angel's voice anchored me, and I listened to him talk, never really hearing the words, until I could breathe again.  
  
It took me a few seconds, but I finally steadied myself to the point where I could stand on my own. My body was trembling, as my mind sorted through the cryptic images flashing through it. All of a sudden, I realized I knew. Like a piece of information that had always been with me, but had been hidden until this exact second. I just *knew*.  
  
Why Angel had come for me. Why my lip was trembling. Why I could feel the bile rising in my throat.  
  
"You..you're not real."  
  
It came out as a statement, not a question. I could tell by the way Angel's eyes flickered, he could hear the quiver in my voice. He always hated to see me cry.  
  
"You know what I am, Buffy." Her voice remained kind, but everything was different now.  
  
"You.." My voice broke, as I looked at her glowing form.  
  
"A messenger." She went on, shaking her head as she spoke. "Nothing more. This form was the one you craved most. This was the body I had to take. You weren't supposed to know..most...well, you *are* the Slayer."  
  
"Body..you.." My vision was too blurred with tears for me to see her reaction. Angel tightened his grip around my waist, and something fizzled from inside of me. The feeling of his presence..his understanding..his love. I hadn't realized how much of a necessity it was. How dead I was without it. Dead. Dead. Dead.  
  
"My mom..you're not really her. Are you?" My voice was soft, pleading with the figure before me to disagree with the fears I felt.  
  
"The time. There isn't enough of it. Buffy, please, I'm sorry we had to trick you. But it's the way we do things here. Now, you need to listen to what it is I have to tell you." The figure begged. I could feel something stirring from inside, telling me to respond to whatever was wearing my mother's face, for no reason other than..it was wearing *my* mother's face.  
  
"What is it?" Angel answered for me, his voice back to normal now. I could tell though, by the look on his face, he was still shaken by my previous actions.  
  
She smiled. Once at me. Once at him. And then she leaned forward, almost as if she had a wonderful secret to share with me.  
  
"He wants you to know. The blue bird is singing."  
  
Suddenly, Angel gasped.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
[FLASHBACK]  
  
+1905+  
  
It had been a very confusing ordeal.  
  
A portal. A big white room. An equally large gray one. And now, this ..wall? It appeared to be no more than such. He was chained to a large, rather uncomfortable wall, and as he looked around, below, above him..he could see nothing.  
  
Angel was irritated.  
  
It was incredibly hard work getting a soul, you know? No one had warned him it was going to be *this* frustrating. First, with the guilt and the remorse. Then with the lack of sidekicks, and now..this. He had been so stupid. So, so foolish to think that this book could help with his pain. That *magic* would be the answer.  
  
Magic is never, ever the answer.  
  
He had gotten his hands on it in a Chinese Village. The Boxer Rebellion was in full swing, and utter chaos had erupted throughout the streets. Darla had been absolutely giddy with glee and Spike-even Spike-had taken out his first Slayer that night. Angel, of course, was a pathetic waste of a vampire, but it wasn't his fault. He was going through a phase.  
  
An elderly woman had run into him, in her haste to reach safety. The book had tumbled from her arms, and she kept on going before the loss could even register in her mind. Angel had picked it up and tucked it away, safely, inside his coat.  
  
It happened to provide him with a great deal of comfort and reassurance throughout the next couple of years. It would take him that long to gather the necessary ingredients, of course. Doing magic was long, hard work.  
  
He had wished to see Darla. She had been the closest thing he had had to a mother, a friend, a mate..for as long as he could think. Well, for as long as he *liked* to think. She had appeared in front of him looking stunning and vivid, and he had instantly known it wasn't really her. Whether it was a sire/childe connection, or something more, she hadn't had him fooled for a moment.  
  
And so now, here he was, chained to this wall. Just as his eyelids began to grow heavy, he caught sight of a man in the distance, walking towards him. Or, floating towards him. This was just so unbelievably odd. As he got closer to him, Angel could see a large dagger in the man's hands. Suspicion took over, and he instantly began to fight at the chains that were wrapped around his wrists. Almost immediately, a new set appeared around his ankles, as well.  
  
"Oh. Wonderful." He muttered under his breath.  
  
"Vampire." The man spoke. "Do not fight this. It is time."  
  
"Time for what, exactly?" He asked, his eyes still fixated on the knife.  
  
"Relax." The man spoke, "If I wanted you dead, you'd already be dust. This is just procedure."  
  
"Procedure?" Angel groaned, seeing the man's blank expression. "What is WITH you guys and the big cryptic?"  
  
"Your messenger never got the chance to relay the message to you."  
  
*Because you attacked her before she got the chance.* the words hung in the air, thick and unsaid. Before Angel could blink, the man was standing behind him, completely out of view.  
  
"The guidance you seek is not yours yet." He said, slowly. "Wait for the blue bird's song."  
  
A feeling of pain like Angel had never experienced before coursed through his body, as the dagger ripped through his shirt and introduced itself to his upper back. The room exploded and then it was very dark for a very long time.  
  
[/FLASHBACK] --------------------------------------  
  
I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way his hands began to tremble. I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way his forehead was suddenly slicked with sweat.  
  
I watched Angel, as he told me his story, seeing the way he was losing control.  
  
"What's happening?" I burst out, turning towards the guide, "What is happening to him?!"  
  
"Buffy-"  
  
"Stop it!" I exclaimed, angrily, "If you're going to be in..in her..body," I forced out, "then at least stop saying my name like that."  
  
"He's going to change. It's happening now."  
  
"What did you?! He was just talking and..ANGEL!"  
  
I seriously could NOT take this place and its drama. With the passing out, and the seizure-type behavior..it was just too much.  
  
Angel dropped to the floor and I gasped, hating myself for not being able to protect him. Hating myself for being helpless.  
  
"Make this STOP!" I demanded, as clouds of dust began to rise from the floor.  
  
"This isn't my territory anymore," The guide replied. A deep howling noise was quickly filling the room, and I resisted the urge to cover my own ears in an attempt to block it out. "All we can do now is wait."  
  
"Wait for what?!"  
  
"Don't you see? He's reliving it all. If he survives this, the second time, he'll be freed."  
  
Something clicked, and my eyes finally saw -really saw-what was in front of me.  
  
The blue bird is singing.  
  
"His soul..it's going to be permanent." I murmured, my eyes filling with tears.  
  
And then, Angel cried out.  
  
"If...if he doesn't die first."  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
TBC.. 


End file.
